She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
