ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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