He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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