So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
