"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
