MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
