no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
