At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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