Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
