Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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