i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
NoShamevember. You game?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
