Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
