My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
And then he peed in my hair
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