I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize