so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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