I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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