Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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