we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
