Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it was like eating out sand paper
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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