He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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