I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
