who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
