we're blogging at a bar
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
