I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if only i could text you this smell
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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