You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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