I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
