Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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