haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
