I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
