Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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