I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
