in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
