4 words: hood of his car
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I supernannyed him into submission
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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