How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
