I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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