I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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