Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
