just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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