Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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