bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's always time for handjobs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
