so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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