some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize