i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
