"it" just moved
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
