Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
