I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
