I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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