ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
