the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
