even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
