even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
