mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
