; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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