Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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