last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm jealous of your bromance
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
