You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
