Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize