i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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