I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
