I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
