i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
