I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
