So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
