I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
