This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
