hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize