I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
