Define "chronic" masturbator.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
