I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
