The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
