tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
