Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
