The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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