woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
