we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
