Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
