my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
