Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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