so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
