ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
