I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
