I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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