this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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