I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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